First, I would like to apologize for allowing an entire month to pass without an updated entry. I tried a few times but realized my post were coming off a bit negative, because of the current state of things. And that’s not who I ‘am.
I’ve always been this sort of life cheerleader. Of never letting a bad situation get me down, type of girl. But this year has been tough, as I have mentioned in previous posts, and it’s affecting the tone of my writing.
So although I haven’t posted here, I have been writing consistently bouts of poetry. Because not writing makes me very anxious. And though the novel I worked on with my friend is still in ‘an owing payment and finding an agent’ limbo, I’ve decided to take all the poetry I’ve written and consolidated into a book. So even though my official novel is not being published this year, at least I’ll be getting some of my work published, and out into the world for you guys to read.
It’s long overdue if you ask me, and why should I wait?
That’s one of the major lessons I’ve learned in life through loss, is ‘tomorrow is promised to no man.’ That a lot of us only have today. So there’s no point in putting off something I know should have been done years ago.
It’s also a sort of ode to my mother. There were a lot of things she didn’t get to experience in this life due to her orthodox upbringing and being a full-time mom. So in a way, I feel like I’m not only living for me, but I’m also living for her, the life she wanted, the life she deserved.
My cousin says that I’ am putting too much pressure on myself. But to be honest, I see it as a sort of inspiration. A drive I use to complete tasks. And all writers know you need some sort muse. Although I do agree, using your dead mother as such is pretty creepy.
But the fact remains, she will forever live on within me, and continue to inspire me with the resilience she once possessed, and that unyielding strength that still today baffles me. But I suppose that’s with all mothers, they are this impenetrable rock that stands at the core of each family. A foundation on which a life is constructed.